Tangelina's Journal

I was all set to update when the baby made the hand sign for milk, which is what we've taught him for nursing. I'm thrilled because it's his first sign! Yay Wills! It was 90 degrees today and I felt cheated somehow because we've had a little bit of cooler weather. Every year, all throughout September every hot day inspires me to think "surely this is the LAST HOT DAY of the year" but I'm always wrong until October. Well, I didn't make cookies yet, but I did meet the students whose backyard abuts my backyard and we had a little chat over the fence. We were all friendly and although they didn't come out and apologize for all the noise, they did tell me that they didn't plan to have 'wild parties' and that they'd keep the noise down after 10pm. I didn't apologize exactly but I did say I hoped my brother and husband hadn't scared them and they said they hadn't. I had an unholy desire to warn them that my brother is bipolar and has a history of violence, but I restrained myself. Wills was with me the whole time we talked so I hope they got a clue. Students!

knitterly, crafty stuff
I finished some longies and soakers for Wills today that turned out pretty well. While I was knitting I thought that the crotch depth was ridiculous, but it turns out it's perfect for cloth diapers. I think I'll knit a few with a shorter cd, for when we use disposables. Yesterday my sil showed me how to avoid a 'jog' while knitting color patterns in the round. I'm going to do a striped hat for Danny to showcase my new skill. She also showed me how to do a mitered binding on a quilt that I made for Wills. She did most of the work, so it looks exquisite -- that lady can sure sew! The wedding shirt she made for my brother fit him so beautifully and looked gorgeous -- I never thought a shirt, relatively plain, could be so impressive. I'd like to get her to help me make one, a little simpler, for Danny to wear to work, but it's so hard to find the time. Meanwhile, my next creative project is going to be homemade, yeast-raised, donuts. I came across a reference to them in one of the Anne books, and I thought it'd be fun to try. That was over a year ago! I need a deep fryer, although I guess Leslie wouldn't have had one, would she? Hmmm. Historical accuracy, or convenience -- how to choose?

"struck by lightening! struck by lightening!"
I feel like Bilbo. My sil came over today with her crew -- a 7 yr. old, twin 2 yr. olds, and the baby. Wow. If this is my future I want off this train! Thomas, the oldest, is as wild and hyper as my brother was, so he's a handful all by himself. The twins are full of mischief and have clearly been modeling themselves after their big brother. Poor little Anna just sort of crawls around after them with a bemused expression. It was a fun visit, but Wills got a little overstimulated. We're normally so quiet here, he's just not used to all the noise and commotion. My sil seems to be doing really well despite it all. She brought her knitting and we sat and talked while the children played. I caught her up on some family gossip and she vented about my brother -- our usual routine. I miss having her right down the street, but she hinted that they might be moving back to the city in a year or so. Her parents have had a lot of health problems lately and she wants to be closer to them.

Something wonderful happened!
Today I cleaned out an old chest while Wills was napping. This chest had been in my dad's basement for ages, and my brothers moved it to my place a few years ago when my dad decided to remodel. Anyway, the top is just a bunch of musty old linens and crocheted doilies and what not, but at the very bottom I found a few pictures of my mother before any of us were born and a diary she kept for a few years shortly before she died. I can't bring myself to read it yet but just knowing it's there is scary and exciting. I think my mother must have hidden it herself, because after she died my dad got rid of most of her things and I'm sure he wouldn't have left a diary in the bottom of a chest all this time. He would have read it and destroyed it probably. Wow.

that family planning thread...
...kinda got to me. The part where one poster was saying that it's irresponsible to have kids unless you can afford a good school, extracurricular activities, and college. I should know by now not to let internet discussions upset me, but that standard makes bad parents of more or less my entire neighborhood and me and my younger brother as well. My big brother, the doctor, is up to snuff though. The thing is, I'm pretty sure the poster came across as harsher than he/she intended. But still, what a thing to say! And now, I'd like some more things please!!! Because then I'd be happier for sure.

Nothing is working but at least I have ice-cream!
I keep ripping out and re-knitting the same dozen rows of a raglan sweater. The shaping doesn't mesh well with the eyelets and I can't decide what option looks best. The skirt I'm sewing for myself is boring me and since I'm pregnant again there doesn't seem to be any point in finishing it. I've decided that the fabric I bought for kitchen curtains is too ugly to use for anything, and the wool I swatched is clearly not going to work for Danny's sweater. Of course, I've lost the receipt and it's been months since I bought it anyway, so I won't be able to return it. I think that's it for the complaints this evening. Happy things: Wills hasn't bitten me in almost a week, Danny finally recycled his old National Geographics, I found my little cloisonné locket that's been missing for months, and there's a pint of pistachio ice cream upstairs with my name on it. Literally. I don't like to be selfish with food, but Danny has a bad habit of devouring his own ice-cream in one sitting and then sneaking bites of mine until it's all gone before I've even had one tiny taste.

Sweet, sweet, sweet
Wills is better, and Danny got us Chipotle for dinner so all is well. I made fresh pasta this morning, then got some fresh mozzarella from Mastellone's, and some tomatoes and an armful of basil from the garden, so the eating will be good again tonight. I really want to make ice-cream, but the freezer is full of excess garden produce and I had to take the ice-cream maker out, so I'm debating whether to make a cake or not. Turning on the oven seems foolish in this heat, but I'm running the ac anyway and the best use I can think of for the cream and the slightly over-ripe peaches from Saturday's market is to top some shortbread. Oh, and I have some almond meal leftover from the homemade marzipan fiasco, so I could replace some of the flour with that, and I bet it'll be the most exquisite shortbread ever. Plus I think I'll earn some 'marriage points' (my brother's very useful term) and they'll come in handy this fall when I want Danny to dress up for Ren Fest.

Hot, hot, hot
Baltimore is sweltering and Wills has a fever, so I've spent most of today laying down in front of the ac nursing the poor little misery. I'm sure there are worse fates than being sweat-suctioned to a hot little body for hours on end in the middle of a heat wave (especially considering the aforementioned ac) but I wasn't in the best of moods when Danny walked in the door delivering a litany of complaints about every minor annoyance he'd suffered throughout the day. When he branched out into grumping about dinner not being started I had to either leave the room or kill him. I'm not sure that I made the right decision, but I figure having one parent dead and the other in jail might damage the baby's psyche a little, so it's probably for the best. Now, I'm going to squander the next 30 minutes, and when I come back upstairs I hope to find Danny in a better frame of mind.

I can't figure out which one I got wrong!

You are a 97% traditional Catholic!

Congratulations! You are more knowlegeable than most modern theologians! You have achieved mastery over the most important doctrines of the Catholic Faith! You should share your incredible understanding with others!

Do You Know Your Baltimore Catechism?
Make Your Own Quiz

At least I'm "more knowlegeable than most modern theologians." Yay me!

My nephew is spending the afternoon with me and if he runs in and out of the house just one more time I think I'll lose all patience. If Danny would just stop the screen door squeaking (it's one of those fancy ones with a sort of pneumatic tube thingy that prevents kids slamming it) I wouldn't mind. But Danny is always too busy and he gets snippy if I get my brother to do too much around the house, so I'm stuck with a squeaky door.

Another year, another entry
Let's see, last year my sil and I were both preggers. This year, Anna Grace, my niece, is just over 10 mos old, and my little guy William Cullen, is almost 9 mos. My big brother just spent a few days here in Baltimore and told us that he and Deb are hoping to adopt soon. I've recently gotten the not entirely welcome news that I'm expecting again (I'm glad, just a little stunned and not feeling ready. Danny says he's happy, but he was definitely shocked when I told him). This generation of my family is turning out to be a lot bigger than mine was. Cully's got 4 kids, David's got 2 and will hopefully have a 3rd soon by adoption, and I'm on my 2nd. Wow. That's a lot of little blessings running around at Christmas and Easter! My father is marrying again after all those years as a widower, but she's 57, so I don't think I'll be having any new siblings. I'm very glad -- I haven't seen my father be truly happy in years, and Carol is a lovely person. Okay, I hear Wills on the baby monitor -- must go!

I was never very diligent with my paper journal either....
I think by problem with keeping any kind of journal is that I talk too much (family trait) and that I think my journal entries to myself without bothering to log on and type them (I guess that's pure laziness). Oh well. I had a lovely, lovely Christmas, during which I got to know some of Danny's family better, and also spent a happy drunken evening talking with my two sisters in law about their husbands' (my brothers')many faults. As the most recently wed, I didn't have anything negative to say about my own husband, but I enjoyed helping them bash my brothers for awhile. All in good fun of course -- I dearly love both of my brothers and they are fine men and excellent husbands. But still, they have their faults! I guess Danny must have as well, but he's such a lovely person and so easy to get along with. Tutoring is going pretty well, but is a lot more difficult than I thought. All of the kids I'm working with have difficult lives, and it's heartbreaking to witness their struggles. I often feel hopeless about their chances in life, which is a terrible failing on my part, but it's just really, really hard to keep a positive attitude in the face of their poverty. I get so angry at their parents, and then at our society, particularly the current regime, that I have a hard time just focusing on helping the kids with their schoolwork. Which is what I signed up to do. I have to work on that serenity thing.

I'm pretty certain I haven't destroyed the child's life yet.
He was extremely wary, but I did get a smile at the very end. His name is Mike (after the boxer I'm afraid) and he draws the most macabre pictures I've ever seen. Mutant supervillains dripping blood and brandishing big guns. I felt very foolish with the picture books I'd brought to read to him. He's 9 yrs. old and although his schoolwork is on the 1st grade level, he is emotionally very mature. Too mature for picture books, and, to my mind, too mature for his age. After we got over the 'dunno' and 'don't care' and 'nothing' answers, and the shoulder shrugging and eye-rolling, he admitted that he likes math and science, hates books (Oh no!!!), and thinks social studies is 'stupid'. He likes cars, and his uncle is teaching him to work on them. Towards the end we played a paper and pencil game having to do with, I think, submarines or something, which I totally failed to grasp. I think this pleased him, and he's promised to try to teach me next week. I asked him what sort of things he'd like to do together, but couldn't get him to say anything definite except that he didn't like workbooks. Apparently, his previous after-school tutoring program was big on the workbooks. So, I've got a week to come up with something that will interest this kid. I suppose my 5 yr. old nephew is too young to know how to play the submarine game, but if any of you have contact with 3rd graders and understand a paper and pencil game that is something like the game 'battleship' but not quite, please enlighten me!

my new 'job'!!!
I start my new tutoring position in 2 hours! I'm very nervous, worried I won't be able to establish any kind of rapport with my student, that I'll expect too much or too little from him, that I'll fail miserably at helping him learn anything. I have rather wide latitude in what I do. I know this is a good thing, but at least at first I would've preferred more direction. My student is a 3rd grader working at a 1st grade level, with some behavioral issues. Having a younger brother labelled oppositional/defiant by the third grade should help with the behavior part! I think these kids actually do pretty well when they're working one on one. I guess I'll find out! I'm bringing some books to read out loud and talk about, and some paper and colored pencils since he's apparently very fond of drawing. I figure we'll take it easy at first, until I can find out what his interests are, and what his learning style is. They don't like to give us volunteers too much information about the children, both for privacy reasons, and also to give the child a 'fresh start'. Anyway, wish me luck --- I really, really want to do a good job for this kid!

I just got back from my sil's, who is struggling with ppd after the birth of twins last spring. They're pretty easy babies, but their are two of them and of course my nephew has always been a handful so I think she's just overwhelmed most of the time. I'm getting plenty of practice for when (if) I have kids, but heaven forbid I should have twins! I'm starting a new volunteer position after Christmas with Family Tree. They're a secular charity devoted to helping mothers and fathers parent more effectively and helping children deal with instability and abuse. I'm going to be providing tutoring for elementary through middle-school aged children. I'm pretty nervous because I haven't worked with children very much in the past beyond babysitting nieces and nephews. So, my life lately has been surrounded by children and thoughts of children. Hmmmm. I've even been reading a lot of parenting books lately. Danny interprets my 'sudden interest' to a desire to have children. I'm still ambivalent. Seeing Melinda struggle with ppd, and knowing what my mom went through just scare me off the whole idea. On the other hand, I'm definitely experiencing a lot of procreative impulses -- Melinda calls it 'babylust' -- so maybe I should just go with my instincts. After all, I'm not my mother or my sil, and I have a lot of stability and comfort in my life. It'd be wonderful to share that with a child.

One of my brothers leaves today for Louisiana, and the other one does his red cross training on the 7th and should leave the following day. I'm proud of them. Not just for going, but because they're both genuinely grateful that they have this opportunity to help. They're good guys. I I'm considering doing the training and going myself, but I don't know yet. 'll probably just go stay with my sil for the duration to help with the children.

The

catholicism community is getting dramatic again :) I wish someone bright and articulate would post something about charity and humility. Especially humility. Danny and I are going out tonight for the first time in ages -- he's been terribly busy at work -- and I can't wait because I miss him but also because he says he has a BIG surprize for me. I'm not good at waiting for happy surprizes. I somehow got roped into being in charge of the bake table at our neighborhood fair this year. I'm pretty good at that sort of thing, but it's a lot to take on just before the wedding. I can just see me the night before baking up a storm because all my volunteers fell through and begging my Aunt Maureen to bail me out. She's a wonderful baker, come to think of it, so I'd better hit her up for several somethings.

I just got back from a community meeting that should have taken about 30 minutes but instead took nearly 2 hrs. We got into a big debate about some of the 'problem families' and it got pretty nasty and judgemental. I offered to talk to the family on my block who let their children roam the streets without supervision -- I think the father is out of the work and drinking and the mother is this close to a nervous breakdown. I hate doing that sort of thing because it's hard to do it without offending or being condescending. Nobody likes to be told they're a problem. My brother was mentioned because he supposedly is 'operating a homeless shelter' from his home. Honestly, he picks up the hard-luck cases like stray dogs but nobody had any actual specific complaint about any of them and none of them stay very long. I think he's cautious about who he takes into his home considering he has a wife and 3 children. In any case, it's nobody's business who anyone has as a guest in their home, as long as the guests aren't breaking the law. Finally we had a big to-do about where to hold next month's block party. We could just take turns but that'd be too simple. Certain streets who have long-standing community members on it like to choose their month, and some people don't want to have one on their street ever, and so on. These people need some real problems!

More babies!
My sil (Deborah this time, not Melinda) is pregnant again! I'm so happy for them --- they really struggled the first time and now little Clare is going to have a younger sibling and Fiona and Brigid will have a cousin close in age. Yay! In other good news, my father's blood pressure is done and he seems less depressed lately. My Aunt Maureen has lost 75lbs in the past 6 mos -- she's down to 235 which is still quite heavy but her health is much improved. Also, my cousin Ian is engaged to be married this May. He'll be bringing his fiance down from Maine this Christmas so we'll all be able to meet her. Her name is Helen and the word is that she's neither Irish nor Catholic and that she CAN'T SING. Ian is quite the revolutionary -- I'm impressed. Yesterday I had supper with my other brother and his crew, and he and my nephew sang 'Sweet Thames Flow Softly' and I cried because they looked so handsome and sounded so lovely. Then, to cheer me up, Cull got out his keyboard and we had 80's songs. That was fun, except I got drunk enough to sing Patti Smith, which was the wrong decade and then we got into Blondie and then Velvet Underground until we woke the poor babies up. Melinda keeps the kind of house that you can just get sucked into and stay there forever and ever. It's so eclectic and homey. Of course, they also serve really good beer and lots of it, so that helps. I really had a lovely evening with them and then to hear such good news makes me realize how very blessed I am.

We finally had a break in the weather so I worked in my shamefully neglected garden -- it's a jungle out there! Pokeweed higher than the shed, crabgrass everywhere, several persistent and ugly vines along my fence, and the slugs have gotten to my tomatoes! All in one week. On the upside, I saw a toad --- fairly unusual in the city - and my brother helped me make a toad habitat, so hopefully he'll settle down, get married, and make some babies (the toad, not my brother -- he's already got a wife and 3 kids).

my brother is a hottie!
My brother and I decided to meet at happy hour today so he could tell me all about his vacation and so I could hit him up for some free carpentry and naturally he was late. I sat at the bar for 45 minutes nursing my stout and eavesdropping on various conversations. Just when I thought about giving up and going home I heard this from the chick next to me: "Oh. My. God! Becky! Total hottie coming in the door!" Becky and I both looked and I snorted my beer when I saw my brother sauntering in. He flirted with them shamelessly too. So, my baby brother is a hotty. Yikes! It seems like yesterday that it was my job to walk him to his soccer games because he was too young to go by himself!

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